My name is Cathy Noble and I have a past history of emotional upsets for which I’ve been hospitalised. I’m now in my late sixties and more importantly, I’m a freelance artist. This black and white drawing is named ‘inspiration in my garden’ and was drawn in black pen in Spring 2025.
I find that drawing and painting is a great way to escape from any troubles which might arise in my health or in my life generally. I’ve loved painting and drawing since I was very young, but I was completely unable to draw a thing for the 30 years during which I was forcibly medicated on high doses of antipsychotic drugs. I was made to take these drugs despite the fact that my various diagnoses and hospital notes never included the word ‘psychosis’.
I have never seen things, heard things or imagined things which weren’t actually there, so I have no idea why the psychiatrists during that time made the decision to inject me with ‘antipsychotics’. I never went into hospital during those 30 years, and I managed to work as an office administrator for most of that time and I married a very nice man. Yet I was extremely unhappy and led a very dumbed down, emotionless existence, due to the drugs.
My husband died 10 years ago and then I was hospitalised while I was suffering extreme grief. My experiences in hospital were a blot on my landscape; each time they happened, they marred my life. I have been overmedicated, my movement was over-restricted and I was totally bored and frustrated while in hospital.
Twice I managed to overturn sections using help from an excellent Mental Health Solicitor. I find psychiatrists are nay sayers by their very nature. They only find faults while they overlook people’s abilities and good character. If I had not been forcibly medicated, I would have achieved a lot more in my life, I feel sure. I am very grateful to the solicitor because he was the one who essentially freed me.
My current psychiatrist admits I have no psychosis and has been forced to withdraw her insistence that I take antipsychotics after I enlisted the help of a Mental Health Advocate to overturn her prescription of high doses. My Mental Health Advocate pointed out in her letter to my psychiatrist, that on several counts, she was in breach of the law on human rights. The psychiatrist now admits that my ‘illness’, (whatever it was – nobody is sure, but I and friends think it was grief related), is now in remission, so I feel confident in tapering down the doses of my psychiatric drug, with the aim of coming off it altogether. I’m doing this very slowly and steadily over at least two years, to minimise withdrawal symptoms.
Right now I’m on a very low dose, still tapering, and my love of creating art has returned. My creative instinct is back. Hooray!!! Health services still insist I have a CPN, and she told me she is amazed at how much I can achieve on my own, without help and I have lived independently since my husband died 10 years ago. I wouldn’t have been able to do this or create good art if I had still been taking the high doses which I found so disabling.
Tapering has been the best and most rewarding thing I have done for many years, because as it has led to me have more ability generally and I am able to feel my emotions more intensely than I did before -I’m no longer a walking zombie with dumbed down emotions.
At the moment I’m actually enjoying a four- year long relationship, in my old age. My partner is supportive and encouraging about my art; he has a very good nature and is kind. I’m getting more out of this relationship than I ever got out of my marriage, and I’m feeling love more intensely now that I’m on a tiny dose of the ‘antipsychotic’. I’m in this relationship through choice, not necessity, and I’m happy with my life now.
I would advise anyone who has been diagnosed with a ‘mental illness’ to do lots of research online around the diagnosis you have been given, and look into different ways of dealing with the symptoms. Please do not assume that psychiatric drugs are the only answer. Very often they are responsible for creating disabilities, and are not the answer at all. And your psychiatrist is a fallible human being, not a god, and you should really question whatever diagnosis you are given and find out about any drugs you have been prescribed too. AD4E (a disorder 4 everyone) has some excellent resources.
I suggest you also look up healthy eating advice, exercise plans, spend some time outdoors in the sunshine. It is good if you accept or reconnect with those who love you dearly. Consider taking up interests and hobbies, make a nice home for yourself, consider aromatherapy, fill your home with houseplants, and spend time pampering yourself (bubble baths, listen to relaxing music, get enough sleep, buy some nice clothes, get a haircut), get a cat or dog for cuddles and love, cut down on coffee, quit smoking, quit drinking, and discuss tapering off psychiatric meds with a responsible person. Maybe take up a faith if you feel inclined. If you are able to do any paid work, that might help too.
These are just some suggestions which I am sure will help you feel much better and maybe make new friends and get new respect along the way. If you possibly can – stay positive and certainly don’t give up!!!!! Good luck and may you find joy!!!!
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Mad in the UK hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.